dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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