When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
