my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
