Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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