I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
