Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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