so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.