is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?