omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is