Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
