hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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