i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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