awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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