They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
