can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize