she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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