Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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