Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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