I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
