His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
