So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
