if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize