And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
