There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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