just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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