Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
