I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
