Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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