you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
