thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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