it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
