So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
