turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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