Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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