Please, let me fuck your mom
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
