It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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