I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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