a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
