he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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