so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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