where am i from again
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
