does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
