it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
