my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
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u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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