Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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