I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
