Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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