I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
