Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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