Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
