good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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