You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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