Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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