Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
