so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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