There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
