I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
pray to the hookup gods
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
