Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
