i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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