What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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