The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
